When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
