At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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