I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
