Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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