Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
