Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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