So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
