So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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