is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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