I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
