dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
