she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
