actually, I'm a sock model
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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