Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
