Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
