Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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