let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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