Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
