Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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