This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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