i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
