here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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