Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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