He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
