I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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