Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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