i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have tasted many bathrooms
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
