Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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