I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
