I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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