I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
