Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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