Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
