you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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