I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize