id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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