the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
