just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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