she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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