My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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