I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
