What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize