dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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