He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
