Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
