it wasn't lemon gatorade
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
