I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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