Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
