well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize