We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
