how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
