you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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