My friends, they love my intelligence
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
