I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
