I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
