508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
