all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
