I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
time to smoke my breakfast
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
