WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
