God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
