i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
