My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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