I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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