Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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