So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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