I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
