This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
