So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
