just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
