saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
