that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
