I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
