she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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