I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
