Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
