Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
