I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
