do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
