I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
