i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
