went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
