all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
