i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
