i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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