I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
