I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
