I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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