Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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