i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
