he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
