I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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