I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
