Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
so much tequila, so little girl.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
