if you like me you must not know who I am
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
