Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
