i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
