you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
