the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
