i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
