And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
