i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
