Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
