why didn't you poke me back
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize