Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The best revenge is premature balding
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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