there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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