im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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