just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
