She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
