i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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