Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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