Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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