ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
