i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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